In the past few days we’ve had a lot of people reach out to us as more and more of you are hearing news out of Haiti. I thought it would be easiest, and give me more room, to write a blog post rather than a shorter update on social media so I could address some of the key concerns that have come up.

Embassies advising foreigners leave?
In the process of checking on us, many have asked us if we’ve seen the news stories and advisories and were aware of the Embassies urging citizens to leave? We so appreciate that you’ve wanted to check on us and make us aware of things. I do want to let you know that we are registered with the Embassy, and as Wardens (more on that below) we will also periodically receive extra information. Along with that we’re also part of several social networks specific to foreigners living in Haiti here in country where information and security updates are shared on a daily/hourly basis. So again, when you’re see this stuff hit the news, we’ve already been aware of it for most likely several days before it gets to that point, maybe even weeks.

We don’t always comment on it or post about it on social media right away, mostly because we want to have a better understanding of what’s going on so we don’t sensationalize things and cause people to panic unnecessarily. It would be so easy to share every crazy thing that happens here, but so much of it requires context, and can cause people to develop a mindset about Haitians and Haiti that we don’t want to be part of perpetuating. So, as we DO share, we try to be calculated about the information we communicate, and how we do that. We want to be respectful of culture while also trying to stick to factual information. Hopefully that leads to you being able to have confidence in the things we share with you.

What does it mean?
In the later part of last week news agencies were reporting that the American and Canadian Embassies were advising non-essential foreigners leave Haiti. This is true. However, it’s not new news for us here, just for you there. They’ve been making this recommendation for several weeks. The reasoning behind it is that a) there has been an increase in kidnappings in recent months, foreigners included, and b) due to gangs controlling the fuel, there have been wide-spread shortages that are affecting all sectors, so resources are limited.

Please know that in times of crisis this is a standard Embassy advisory. We’ve seen it many times over the 15+ years that we’ve lived here. Many foreigners are often confused about what the Embassy can and can’t do for them in country, and often that includes coming to rescue them in times of trouble. This isn’t actually the role of the Embassy, so when there are security threats or resources are limited or difficult to access, the Embassy will typically advise non-essential people to leave. The Embassy is essentially saying that during these times, they cannot guarantee they can assist citizens in country in the ways that may be needed, so they advise that citizens leave if they absolutely do not need to be present, so they don’t get stuck without resources.

Chris and I have been Wardens, who are volunteers with the Canadian Embassy, for years. Our role is to be an emergency contact for other citizens in country and essentially a liaison between citizens and the Embassy. Like an extra set of hands. We’ve had Embassy staff come by our house/mission to see what facilities we have available if there’s an emergency where people need to be housed, etc. We’ve attended Wardens conferences over the years, and have been able to get to know some of the Vice Consuls over the years, so we’ve had a lot of conversations about what the actual role of the Embassy is, what they can do in a crisis, etc. One of the things we’ve heard repeatedly is that during emergencies, while Embassy staff is already trying to manage a lot, citizens they didn’t know about in country will come out of the woodwork wanting help with things like emergency paper work, evacuation, and other things that might come up in a crisis. It’s taxing on their resources and people and they may not be able to guarantee the help people might need. So it’s a protective measure for all involved.

In regards to kidnappings or anything that might involve local authorities, the Embassy still has to work within the confines of local law. It’s a misconception that a foreign government can swoop in and “rescue” people with their own military or forces. IF there is any kind of effort from a foreign government with something like this, it’ll be done with someone in the local government being aware of and supporting the efforts. While we would all love to see assistance from outside sources in helping stop the gang violence and kidnappings right now, Haiti, like the US and Canada and many other countries, is a sovereign nation and foreign governments and parties need to work with Haitian government and authorities on these efforts. That’s just the way it is.

Airlines cutting flights!
I’ve seen and had people ask about this too. Yes, flights in and out of Haiti have been reduced, and there were specific announcements made about this at the end of last week. It’s important to know that airlines will first adjust their routes based on demand. If the demand isn’t there, they reduce the number of times they fly to a certain location each day, or each week. These flight reductions in Haiti have been based on a lack of demand due to the security situation, but they didn’t just go into effect over the weekend. American Airlines had already started reducing it’s flights to and from Haiti weeks ago. I know this because we have tickets for a trip a couple months out and our flights got moved around (good times!). American airlines typically flies from Miami, Fort Lauderdale, and New York into Haiti. At really busy times I think they’ve even added a Boston route. There were typically a couple flights a day goin into each city, maybe even 3-4 depending on how much demand there was. Right now that demand is not there and they aren’t sending in empty planes, only to fly back empty planes. Spirit Airlines and Jet Blue are still flying in and out right now, so there are still options for air travel.

It’s just important to know that these shifts and changes happen based on need. As long as the Port au Prince airport is open and functioning, airlines will fly in to meet the demand of passengers. Sometimes it’s seasonal, and sometimes it’s due to things happening in country. Yes, there are times where Haitian authorities have closed the airport, either because people haven’t been able to get to work from unrest, or because of natural disasters like the 2010 earthquake where the airport itself sustained damage and they needed to clear the runway for humanitarian aid cargo flights. When the airport has been closed by Haitian authorities it has typically only been for a few days. The longest stretch was post earthquake when passenger flights were stopped so humanitarian flights could happen and the airport staff set up a new area to process passengers.

How is the security situation in our area?
Clean Water for Haiti is located about 2 hours north of Port au Prince. We’re in a very quiet, rural community that’s basically farmer’s fields. We’re literally surrounded by crops. And while we might only be a few minutes off of the main national highway running through the country (don’t get excited, it’s only two lanes), it can feel like we’re in the middle of nowhere at times. Our community has a reputation throughout the greater area of being a good community where things are pretty peaceful and people don’t get involved in the politics and other stuff that goes on. It’s one of the main reasons we chose to relocate here, and we’ve seen that ring true in the past 8 years that we’ve owned the land.

Because of all these things, we’ve felt safe here. And we feel safe in our general area. Yes, at times there are issues in St. Marc and Montrouis, the two bigger communities north and south of us, but when we hear of those things, we just stay home and the guys don’t go in that direction for work related things. This has always been the way it is here, not just in recent months or years. It’s the way it is in Haiti. You listen to the word on the street, and adjust accordingly. For the most part, our larger area has remained fairly quiet through the bulk of this in the past almost two years since we went through “peyi lok” (locked country) back in the fall of 2019. People in our area will tell you that if no one is paying people to start a manifestation, where people will block roads, then it won’t typically happen.

So we feel safe in our area, and are in a position where we can choose when to go into Port au Prince to take care of mission business. And lately that has been hardly ever. Not only are Chris and I choosing not to travel in unless we absolutely need to, we are also only sending staff in when we absolutely need to. Things like purchasing supplies that we cannot get out our way, or to take care of paperwork that must be done. Other than that, we don’t go. That’s our number one way of staying safe right now. If we do NEED to go, we consult with a friend who works with the mission and who is based in Port au Prince, who also happens to be a retired Haitian police officer, about what things are like and if we should or shouldn’t come on a particular day. We’re thankful for this resource as it’s made navigating things so much easier for us, and safer!

What’s happening with fuel shortages?
Again, one of the big questions we’ve gotten lately, and for good reason. It’s important to understand the context of Haiti in order to understand how much this is affecting life for most people right now. For starters, Haiti does not have a country wide power grid that reaches all communities and people. Yes, there is the Electricite d’Haiti, but it doesn’t reach the rural communities, and in those areas that it does reach, it is not 24/7 power. It may be a certain number of hours per day, or certain days of the week. Where we live/work now, there is no EDH. When we were based in Pierre Payen we were connected to the grid there, but only got power from Friday nights to around noon on Sundays – IF we got power at all. There were times where we went for over 6 months without having anything come through the grid. And if there is power coming through the grid, it’s often irregular and will surge, so it can damage appliances and electronics.

Due to the inconsistencies and the damage that can be caused, many people that have means choose to not be connected to the grid at all, and rely on a generator and battery system, or solar/battery system. Because of this, if people can’t get fuel, they can’t power their homes or vehicles. It means not being able to have lights, or a fridge to preserve food. At a higher level, not having fuel means institutions like government offices, banks, and hospitals will not be able to operate, because they’re all relying on generator fuel too.

In recent weeks we’ve seen many hospitals close their doors because they can’t operate their facilities. Schools haven’t been open, though most don’t rely on power to function as they’re typically open air buildings that only house students during the day, so no lights or A/C. Banks through the country, and most major businesses through Port au Prince announced reduced hours because of lack of fuel. We heard that grocery store shelves were emptying out because transport trucks couldn’t move goods (no gas) and stores were at risk of not being able to power coolers. Cell service providers (how we all have phones and internet here) announced that service would become patchy and possibly cease all together if they didn’t get fuel. We did in fact experience bad service for about a week.

Another major area that has been affected by the fuel shortages is the public transit system. Don’t be thinking city busses or anything like that. Here most people get around by tap tap, a small pickup truck with benches in the back, motorcycle taxi, or larger busses that run between cities or bigger parts of town. In our local area the cost of a tap tap ride doubled overnight a couple weeks ago. The average salary here is about $5 US/day in our local area (higher and lower through the country). It now costs about $0.95 to take a tap tap from one community to another – one direction. You can do the math on how that is affecting families right now. Add to that a steep increase in the cost of goods because of the fuel shortages, and it’s making things really difficult for people.

There are places where you can get fuel, but it’s black market and is coming with a hefty price tag. It’s also often cut with other things, so can damage vehicles and equipment. As a principle, we don’t want to encourage the black market, so we won’t purchase the fuel. We also don’t want to risk damaging vehicles or equipment.

On Friday, the gang leader known as Barbecue (Jimmy Cherizer), whose people are responsible for blocking the flow of fuel from the ports, announced that to ease the tension in the country they were going to allow fuel to move freely until the 18th, which is a national holiday here. Over the weekend we saw very little coming through the security groups we’re in, and our staff said this morning that they’ve heard stations in our area might start pumping fuel as early as today.

How has the fuel shortage affected CWH?
While we were in Pierre Payen we were on a generator/battery system, and eventually got some solar panels to help reduce our fuel expenses to run the generator. After getting the solar panels we still spent about $600/month on generator fuel.

When we purchased the new property in Camp Marie, we planned for a full solar set up in our build plan, and did it. The system cost us about $35,000. That’s a lot of money, but we knew based on what we had paid previously for monthly fuel expenses without solar that it would pay for itself in the first 3 years. And it did. But we also had no idea what was coming.

With the fuel shortages, which actually started back in 2018, our solar system has been one of the main reasons Clean Water for Haiti has been able to keep its doors open. We have a backup generator for those times where it’s overcast and our batteries need a boost, but we really only run it a handful of times each year. So the bulk of our power comes from the sun, and it means we aren’t reliant on purchasing fuel to keep the work and life happening here – and we’re so thankful for that!

To give you some perspective, our solar system is big enough that daily we can run everything in the mission residences – three fridges (between two buildings), an upright freezer, two water coolers, ceiling fans in every room, lights in every room, 2 air conditioners, small appliances, computers, printers and other small electronics. In the work yard, along with all of the other stuff running in the office/residences, we also run overhead fans and lights, power concrete vibrators, a mortar mixer, our sand washing machine, weld, use power tools, and the biggest thing – we run several water pumps in tandem for about 8 hours a day. We can also run a washing machine and on the weekends when the work yard isn’t functioning, we can actually run a dryer!

So yes, even with the fuel shortages we’ve been able to keep working and living. It is crazy to realize that it’s less expensive for us to use electricity than it is to use other things, like propane for cooking. So many of us foreigners have to go through the opposite adjustment when moving here. I was cooking supper the other night and as I mixed things in the Instant Pot I realized that even if we ran out of and weren’t able to get propane I could still cook, and I was really thankful for that.

Fuel and working/going off-site.
While our solar system has meant that we can keep working full-time, the fuel shortage has affected our work in other areas.

While we can use our solar to power the work yard, and have been able to keep building filters and preparing everything for filter deliveries, in order to go off-site for anything we need either diesel or gas, and that’s where the struggle has been.

All of our work trucks are diesel, and thankfully we were able to stock up on diesel about a month ago and store it. We’ve been using that reserve to fill the truck tanks, and have basically only been using the trucks to do filter deliveries or buy supplies about once a week. We’ve put off doing any repair trips and promotion days where they trucks are out in the communities connecting with people and servicing filters.

Our motorcycles and passenger vehicles are gas powered. Gas has been the harder fuel to come by in the past 6 weeks. Because of that, our motorcycles have been sitting, which means we haven’t been able to do filter follow up visits. That’s frustrating because those visits are SO important to filter adoption and people using them correctly. We’re very eager to get back to doing these visits.

For our passenger vehicles, we’re just hanging out at home and not going anywhere. We had one vehicle with 3/4 of a tank in it, and basically didn’t touch it so it could make a trip into Port au Prince when Chris returned from a trip a couple weeks ago, and it’s sat since then. Our other car is empty and has been for weeks. Everyone in our area is in the same boat, so no-one has been going out for social things. In the past couple years our family has gotten really good at staying home.

For supplies, like I said, we’ve been able to send a truck or get deliveries when we’ve needed them. For example, last week when Daniel went into St. Marc to get cement, paint, and other work yard needs, we also had him pick up dog food and some other stuff from one of the grocery stores. Marthe, our housekeeper, has still been able to go to the market once a week and get produce, dry goods and other stuff we need. And most of all, we just adjust. If we can’t get all the things we want, we appreciate the things we CAN get, and we adjust our diet and other things accordingly. So far we haven’t gone without. I was even excited when Daniel came back with 4 fresh loaves of bread because it meant that a delivery truck had made it out from Port au Prince, and I didn’t have to bake bread :) But I still have a stash of flour in case I need to!

We’re still here.
Every organization and individual that’s here needs to make decisions, often daily, about their presence here. In the past two years, because of the unrest, political issues, kidnappings, and fuel shortages, many organizations have chosen to pull foreign staff out of the country. In recent weeks we’ve seen that happen even more, largely because the lack of fuel has meant that facilities can’t function and staff may not be able to access resources. Again, this is a decision that each org/family needs to make for themselves.

At Clean Water for Haiti, we have not felt this to be a necessary move. As I said previously, our community is removed from much of what’s going on, with the exception of access to fuel. That lack of access has impacted some of what we’re doing, but not all. We can still work full time, and we have safe facilities in a safe community to do so. Yes, it has meant adjusting how we do things in many ways, but we still have the means to do the bulk of our day to day things.

Our staff, while sometimes being late for work due to having a hard time getting transport in the morning, have still been showing up for work and working full time. We’ve still been doing filter deliveries. In fact, we’ve been doing more filter deliveries in recent weeks than we might typically do. Last week the guys did 4 delivery days, back to back, installing over 110 filters in one week!

We have always worked from the mindset of having Clean Water for Haiti be a reliable resource for the Haitian people. In a time of crisis, where families are struggling to do life every day, we’re seeing an increase in demand for filters. And that’s why we’re here. As an organization we exist so families can be more independent. Right now that freedom to treat whatever water they have, while treated water may not be available and hospitals might be closed, is more important than ever. We have people counting on us to be here, both in the communities we serve, and when we open our gates in the morning so our staff can work and provide for their families. So, we aren’t planning on going anywhere.

We’ve been in Haiti through a lot of really hard things, and for now we have everything we need. We can be flexible, we can still work and support our staff, and we feel safe where we are. That may change going forward, but we aren’t going to rush to make changes where changes aren’t necessary for us at the moment. Our many years here have taught us that things in Haiti can change quickly, so what’s happening right now may not be the case next week, or next month, or a few months from now. Only time will tell. Until then, we’re just going to keep working and doing what we’re called to do. If you want to help us meet the demand we’re seeing for filters, we’d love it if you’d donate. Just go to our Donate page and choose your country. Your gifts are needed now, more than ever, and they’ll be a big part of helping Haitian families have some stability in the midst of a chaotic time.

~Leslie

As we’ve been watching events unfold in the US over the past two weeks our hearts have been heavy. While it would be natural to want to speak out immediately, we’ve also been watching our friends in the black community asking that we first listen and learn, then be active in standing with them in the fight against injustice towards people of color. And by standing with them they are asking for more than words, they need us to be DOING.

I’ve been thinking and praying a lot about what our role as an organization is in the fight against injustice and standing with people of color. As I’ve been rolling all of this over in my mind and heart, and Chris and I have been talking together, I keep coming back to the place of knowing that this is the very reason that Clean Water for Haiti exists. It IS the root of why we do what we do. The organization was started to fight injustice that deeply affects people of color.

Haiti, as a nation, fought for, and then claimed its independence from slavery in 1804 – over two hundred years ago. It was the first black republic to be founded on a slave revolt. While that is amazing, we still, over 200 years later, see the scars and effects of slavery on this nation. People of color have been trying to rise out from under the oppression of slavery for centuries all around the globe, but here in Haiti the struggle has been so difficult for so many reasons.

The core of why we exist is, yes, to help provide access to clean water, but we do this because we know that the reason people in Haiti do not have access to this very basic thing is because of centuries of broken systems that continue to keep them in a state of poverty and oppression. We do it because we believe that every person has value, and yes, we want to physically work towards connecting people with a means to improve their health and situation, but more so because we believe they matter. The black lives we see around us every day, and interact with every day, they matter.

Chris and I are also Christians, and while we don’t talk about that on this platform a lot, it is the thing that drives us in everything we do and in how we lead. We believe that God has called us to love people first, no matter what. For us that means we are always coming back to that as we lead, as we develop programs, as we employ local people, as we work with our board and donors, and in how we communicate on behalf of the organization. It affects how we raise our children and how we interact with our community. We are also broken people who often make mistakes, but we try to be aware and have soft hearts so we can change and grow through those things, and ask for forgiveness when needed.

As I’ve been thinking through these things, I realized that my first thoughts about writing this were to go and list off all the things that we do as an organization to work towards justice and equality, but that’s not what’s needed right now. Right now we need to continue to listen and learn how to be a support to our brothers and sisters.

If you’re looking for resources that can help you learn and understand this Google document is a great place to start. For the month of June the movie Just Mercy is free to stream on all platforms. I had already had it in my mental list of things I wanted to watch so we’ll definitely be checking it out this month. I also just started reading White Awake, which isn’t on the list but I believe should be required reading for anyone who identifies themselves as a Christian. Another book that Chris and I both read several years ago is The Book of Negroes, which is fiction but based on a historical document by the same name.

And, while CWH is registered in both the US and Canada, we know that our greatest area of impact is here in Haiti, working to support the black lives on our staff, in our community where we live, and in the communities that we serve. It’s our commitment to do that not only in how we shape our programs, but in our employment practices, at the board level as we work on governance, in how we welcome visitors here in Haiti, in communicating with our support base, and on platforms where we share about the work that we’re doing. If you have questions about any of those things I hope you’ll reach out, and we hope you’ll join us as we continue to learn how we can fight injustice and racism.

#dothework

~Leslie

Chris reads the Economist religiously. Every Thursday night he downloads the latest copy and then hunkers down and pours over it for the next few days, taking it all in. He has this amazing mind for details and facts, all the overwhelming and important things that most of us don’t feel like we have the time or headspace for on an average day.

Back in January, after reading the latest release, he started talking about Coronavirus, this thing that was spreading through China, and how the world needed to pay attention, because it could become something. Something big. I smiled and nodded and we left it at that.

A week or so later news started breaking more widely that it was spreading around the globe. We had some hard conversations that involved me trying to remind him of the stats and him realizing it was stressing him out. During payroll around the end of February we talked with our staff about this spreading illness, and that we all needed to be aware of it and the fact that it may come to Haiti. We talked about things we could be doing to help prevent it – hand washing, coughing into our arms, etc. One of the guys said, “It won’t come here if you believe in Jesus.” We had to inform him that a virus doesn’t care what you believe in, and that Jesus would still be with us in sickness.

We kept going as usual and watched COVID-19 spread through Europe. Then cases started in the US. Haiti put measures in place to be screening people as they arrived, starting back in mid-February. I applaud the government for that because it was ahead of most nations on that front.

A couple of weeks ago we had another meeting with our staff to talk about the fact that it was definitely going to come to Haiti and we needed to be prepared. We all kept doing life as usual but started making slight changes, like not holding hands when we did morning prayer. Haitians are very social, so this felt strange, but we adjusted.

Cases started to spread in the US and Canada. We had a visitor here at the time, and we made the decision together that she should probably head back to the US before borders closed. She flew out the afternoon that Haiti’s President announced that the borders would be closed at midnight and that flights would no longer be able to land in either of Haiti’s airports.

We talked with family back home to check in on them and see how they were doing with the now imposed “shelter in place” advisories. We kept talking with staff about government mandates here in Haiti, and how that could affect our work. We talked about potential issues with foreign organizations just because people won’t have enough knowledge to know how this is affecting the whole world, and will want someone to blame. Foreigners are the natural place to point fingers, even though recent months have seen few flying in, and many have left, because of the unrest for the past year. The bulk of people traveling in and out of Haiti are Haitians.

Last week, we collectively made the decision to continue working with safety measures in place. Our prayer circle got a lot bigger in the mornings as everyone worked to keep 6 feet between them and the next person. Some of the guys started arriving wearing their own masks, and I went to work making masks for everyone else. We stopped sending the delivery truck out after the government said no transport truck can have more than 2 people on it. Staff wanted to continue doing filter follow up visits, but had to wear masks and gloves while out. During their visits they distributed flyers with infographics about Coronavirus that showed preventative steps, and what symptoms to watch for. People were very grateful to get this info, many saying that they thought it was a joke or rumor.

We watched Haiti’s cases go from 1, to 2, to 5, to 8. This weekend cases were confirmed at 15. The Dominican Republic, which shares this little island with us, has almost 900 confirmed cases. We can’t help but wonder how accurate Haiti’s numbers are. We suspect there are many more cases here, but because of lack of testing facilities and resources people either aren’t getting tested, or won’t get tested. We’ve heard that some places are reporting threats to those that test positive for COVID-19, so it would be a major deterrent for anyone getting tested. Haitians are also constantly dealing with respiratory illnesses at this time of the year from various colds, flues and dust, as well as a long list of maladies that are fever based. It wouldn’t be a surprise to find out that many have COVID-19, but wouldn’t even know it or know the symptoms to be different from other things they’re used to seeing. And, there’s a different acceptance of death here, sadly.

Last year was hard and discouraging. In the midst of rising political unrest we had the accident with the truck that left 6 of our guys injured, and a woman lost her life. We were down a vehicle and have been for the past year. One of the guys is still recovering after needing long-term care.

Last fall we spent about 4 months at home, only leaving a handful of times because of the political unrest. During the first few weeks we kept thinking that something would shift, because it wasn’t sustainable for the country to keep going that way. No fuel, roads closed, schools closed, people not able to move around, etc. When we reached 6 weeks we realized that we didn’t know what to expect, and shifted into a mindset where we couldn’t plan anything with any amount of certainty. We had plan A, B, C, and sometimes D. Our staff were amazing and kept pushing, but we could see that everyone was weary and struggling for so many reasons.

One thing that I can honestly appreciate about what we went through last year is that we got used to being home and isolated. Many of our expat friends left the country, and we couldn’t go places, so we got used to being at home. One day when supplies were getting through I made a trip into St. Marc to go grocery shopping and bumped into friends at the store. It had been about a month and a half since I’d seen other people outside of our staff and community. I almost cried, and felt ridiculous for it. But, it felt so good to see people.

We got used to having to think about all possible sides, to buy supplies when the opportunity was there, and to lay low when needed. We valued each day that we could be working. We valued each day that was safe enough for anyone to be out doing work in a normal way, or to travel to do things that had been put off, whether that was getting fuel, or being able to get to Port au Prince to run errands.

By the time Christmas rolled around, and things were open enough for us to leave for a few weeks of vacation in the US with family, we were tired. It wasn’t that we were physically drained, it was weariness and being drained emotionally. You see, that waiting and watching takes its toll.

And here we are again. And I already feel weary. This life has brought so much in the years that we’ve been here, and I just feel weary right now.

We’re watching things happening around the world, and have been watching for weeks. We’re worrying about family and friends back home as we see cases daily increase. And we’re waiting and watching to see what will happen here in Haiti.

In a place like Haiti social distancing isn’t an option. People live day to day, whether it’s working to earn enough money to feed their families, or going to the market to buy that day’s allotment of food. People don’t have electricity to have refrigeration, so they can’t stock up and stay home. Kids have literally lost an entire year of school between the political unrest and now COVID-19. The government is trying to educate the population, to enforce things like putting space between people on tap taps and other public transit, but we know that’s futile because as soon as the machine is out of sight from the police they’ll be loading up again.

It feels futile, but we’re trying to set an example by putting measures in place at work to keep everyone safe, but we all know that they’re coming in contact with any number of people through their day and time at home. They’re traveling on public transit, and their family members are out doing life as well. Most of our staff are taking things seriously, but there’s an element of knowing that we can all only do so much.

I feel weary in the waiting and watching. We have no idea what to expect when COVID-19 really starts moving here. Actually, I think we DO know what to expect, but we’re praying that there will be some sort of miracle that will happen here. The truth is, people live in very close quarters, and there aren’t enough resources to go around. Haiti has over 11 million people living here, and I’ve heard there are only about 50-70 ventilators in the whole country. Families are used to knowing they won’t get the care they might need, and seeing a government that is always looking to see what kind of advantage can be found in a situation versus trying to do the right thing. I think most people will resign themselves to the fact that people will die, and there won’t be a thing they can do about it.

It’s so hard to sit in that place of waiting and watching. It’s emotionally exhausting. But, I can find things to be grateful for in this season.

Our years here in Haiti have taught us to dig in for the long-term, and I’m grateful for that knowing what is to come over the next weeks and months. Here in Haiti we’re used to working on a different time table. Things always take more time than you think they will. We don’t always like it (ha!), but it is what it is. I never would have thought we could stay home for weeks, let alone months, but last fall showed us that we could. And that we didn’t suffer. As we look at the progressing pandemic, we’re not thinking weeks for this thing to move through Haiti, we’re thinking months. We’re planning with that mindset. It’s hard, but we know that’s the way we need to go now.

I know too, that it’s much easier to plan for the harder way, than it is to expect it to be easier. If we plan and think long-term, willing to dig in and hunker down for months if need be, then we’re prepared and wrapping our hearts and minds around that. If we expect it to be anything less, we will struggle and fight more, and deal with more disappointment and be more distracted, than if we take a long-term view.

We know how to be flexible, and when we need to release things too. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, we just know that it needs to be done. We normally plan our annual vacation for the summer. We’ve already been talking to our kids about the reality that it might not happen on that time line either because borders will still be closed, or it might not be safe to travel at that point. If that’s the case, we’ll just bump it back to a point where it is a good time to take it. We started homeschooling it the first part of last year, and it’s been a huge blessing for us because it meant we could continue with the kids school all last fall when all other schools were closed down. Again, this is a think of stability for us, and thankfully I listened to my gut and ordered the last bits of our school books to a friend’s airmail address rather than planning to bring them back during our vacation. They arrived at our house on the weekend and I let out a sigh of relief. If we can’t leave, we can continue on with school and our kids don’t lose anything, and it helps us have some routine and stability when everything else feels uncertain. Our kids actually ask if we’re doing school every day because they rely on that routine, and we’re so thankful for that.

Most of all I think our years here have taught us that we’re much more resilient than we think we are. We can get through more than we think we can. We can feel deeper, process more, grieve deeply and still come out the other side. It may be hard, but we know we’ll be okay. Yes, we worry about our staff, about our mental and emotional health, and about our kids and their hearts, but we try to leave those things in God’s hands and trust that he’s walking with us, carrying us when needed.

So yes, I feel weary right now. But, I am not without hope and peace. This season is going to be a hard one, there is no doubt. There will be loss and pain, grief, anger… all the things. I pray that through it we’ll still be able to keep hope and find joy in things too. To appreciate the small things in our days, to remember how fortunate we are to have each other. I pray that we’ll learn through this and choose to do some things differently when all is said and done. All in all I hope it makes us better people.

~Leslie